I feel so alienated from everyone else these days.
I’ve slowly discovered that everyone I know and respect do drugs and drink excessively. These go against my ideals, and makes me see others as having poor character.
There’s only been a handful of people I’ve known who share my views, and they were religious.
I’m going to die alone. I just know it.
Also, people only watch sports because they can’t play in the big leagues. Fucking waste of time.
Halifax is so surreal at the moment.
For the past twenty-four hours there has been perpetual rain with extreme winds (93 km/h), my room has been inexplicably freezing cold, and the power has gone out… but only in some buildings.
It’s like the world ended and no body’s figured it out yet. They just wander through the streets past the dead houses and apartments, hoping that the wind doesn’t decide to break their legs and throw them into the ocean!
I hate eating at the dining hall in my residence.
I never eat with anyone else because I like to eat alone. To me, eating with others who you aren’t intimately associated with can be a little awkward-feeling. That’s just me, though.
When I don’t sit in the small alcove of tables at the back of the dining hall, I constantly get glared at by other people. Not just glanced at *glared* at. Like, staring for more than a few minutes glared at. Like, evil “why are you here you don’t belong here” glared at.
My appearance is not strange, and my behavior isn’t all that weird so I don’t have the faintest clue as to why so many strangers give me the “stink eye” when I sit outside of the alcove.
Inside the alcove it’s quiet, people read, it’s nice. Nobody is staring at anybody else, and everyone has personal space. Why the fuck is it so different just a few feet away?
As well, art students make me angry. I’m overgeneralizing, but in my experience all they do is drink, snort heroin or cocaine, and attend orgies. They don’t do homework, they don’t worry about grades, they just ride on their parents money.
Fucking fantastic.
People make assumptions about others all the time, it’s part of social psychology.
Regardless, it’s still disturbing.
This past semester at school I’ve been involved in three extra curricular school societies, founded my own society, hung out with friends weekly, and competed in social video game events. In the future I’ll be volunteering at the campus radio station, getting a bartending job, and possibly working on campus over the summer in research labs. Whilst doing all of this I’ve managed to maintain a high GPA and remain interested in my field of study.
Even with all this information easily accessible and obvious the fellow who lives across the hall from me (Armann) still thinks that I’m not social. This is because I do not socialize with him. Since he doesn’t see me socializing, it doesn’t happen.
Lot’s of people do this. When I was in high school, there was a whole clique of fellows who assumed that I never talked to people because I never talked to them (until, of course, they asked me why I never talked to people to my surprise).
This is sheer ridiculousness. How do these people manage to function?
Recently I’ve been having a weird philosophical musing about life.
A conversation with a friend turned to parties. They explained to me why they liked parties so much, what parties meant to them, and how they effected them in the grand scheme of their life. Apparently parties are, to most people, situations where they can release their inhibitions with little or no consequences and this is appealing because it’s cathartic.
This same concept was present with almost all the friends I talked to about parties, as well.
It seems to me that there are, philosophically, some major problems with this. I cannot articulate them well enough just yet, but I know they are there… at least in a vague sense at the moment.
Anyways, I was watching Battlestar Galactica for the first time (It’s hard to find the first season on DVD where I’m from) and I began to realize how important a person actions and behaviors while alive really matter in terms of their character. Most of the characters in the show need to make hard decisions that effect their lives, the lives of others, and so on.
Reality is like this as well. We all make decisions in our every day lives that effect ourselves and others dramatically. However, many people see these choices as temporary…. or something.
For example, a friend of mine who is a devote Catholic and against all kinds of drugs, alcohol, etc. etc. has, at parties, done these things. This is because she viewed parties as areas where nothing you do matters. Your choices will not have any effect on your life or the lives of others in the morning (aside from a headache, perhaps).
So basically life is a video game. You can make mistakes, but the won’t matter late because the level will reset… or you reload your previous save file…. or you rewind time (in the case of Braid and Prince of Persia).
This is horrible. The fact that people do this and think about it this way reveals inherent contradictions in peoples beliefs and views.
People are nothing but superficial video game characters with little or no motivation for anything for the most part.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
I hate my family.
Every year I visit them for the holidays, and they complain incessantly.
If I’ve done well in school, it’s not good enough.
If I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight, I could always lose more.
I don’t know anything about anything, even if I’m taking a degree on the subject.
No matter what I say, I’m wrong… even if I’m right.
They blame my girlfriend for “changing” me over the three years we’ve been dating, which is not the case. I’m sure my development as a person wouldn’t have been very different had Suzanne rejected me when I first asked her out.
They’re like children.
I don’t understand anal sex.
You are fucking a persons digestive tract. Feces comes out of there for crap’s sake!
Fucking disgusting.
There was this guy I went to high school with named Jon. His mom was one of the teachers at the school, she was the head of the Science department and taught all the University-level science courses.
Jon never took science, to avoid his mother, and in the last few years of school he started referring to him self as “Musso” instead of his actual last name (which as McCarthy or something…).
Anyways, I looked this guy up on Facebook recently. Had a hell of a time finding him, too! He’s changed his name to “Gianni Musso”. He’s not only eliminated his name relation with his parents, but he’s changed his given name to some pseudo-Italian bullshit!
What’s really weird about this is that his father is American-Italian.
So this guy has changed his name from his family and given name to a made up Italian name, even though his given name is technically Italian since his dad’s Italian.
On top of that, his name sounds like fancy carbonated water or something.
What an asshole.
I came to the realization the other day that a lot of people really do believe in a god.
Yes, I was aware that religion existed before. However, I’d never been in contact with it on a large scale. My parents neighbors were Christian, but never really expressed their faith to anybody but other Christians and I’d only been to a church to attend youth groups when I first started high school.
Living in Halifax is like living in a a theme park dedicated to Jesus. Religion is everywhere. It’s in your face, and it sucks. It’s depressing to think that so many people actually believe in a greater intelligence when there is absolutely no reason to do so.
While I’m not sure if my faith in humanity has decreased, my respect for it certainly has.
People should not be so pig-headed. Critical thinking is not a difficult thing to use!
